The maid of honor just puked.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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