I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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