mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
