You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
