Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
