Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
