I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
