I CAN MOONWALK!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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