How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
