Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
