I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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