i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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