I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
