It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
