I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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