Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
