There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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