kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
