I wish my penis had an off switch
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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