Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
