He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
