genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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