Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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