I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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