just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
