He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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