I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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