Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
