Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So much rum. So many feels.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
