The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
