From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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