we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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