So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
