It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
