oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
