but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
sex in a hospital.. check
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
