he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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