She said her name was "party"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
