I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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