I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
