im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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