let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
