So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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