ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
