my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
