Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
