I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
