I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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