I want to make a zoo with you.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Barsexuality is the new black.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
