ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
